From a Bar in Olean, NY

It's an old rustic bar full of hardwoods, red bricks, brass fixtures, and mirrors. A bar from the past, in a city past its prime. The bartender grew up here, and owning this bar was his dream long ago, perhaps too many winters ago to remember.

I felt good when I set up the trip to NY, since Julie has been doing better since the chemo started. However, when she woke up this morning, she was hoarse and my heart sunk. My emotions are always on my shirt
sleeves, however that expression goes, but now I find that instead of having a solid core of strength, I am as fragile as a young child. I go up and down with every shift of the wind; there is no getting used to this new reality; my love, younger than me, has cancer. I said to her when we went to bed last night, that I would like to go to bed beside you ten years from now. She said, "I would settle for five." I said softly, I am not sure she heard. "I would, too."