Julie talked with the doctor about the cat scan of her neck. Turns out on the previous cat scan they only did her chest, the last one they did her neck and chest. So, they could only compare the vertebrae in her back on the two scans; they didn't see any difference, both showed cancer hopefully dormant. Hasford's opinion is that the cancer has been in Julie's neck for a long time, that it is not new. Obviously, an assumption, but probably better than my initial assumption.
Julie insists nothing has changed. Oh yea, she has lost about six pounds over the last month or so. Again little data to go. But, that is the nature of this disease to start seeing ghosts that are not there, or perhaps shadows of what is waiting. So, lets hope I am delusional.
By the way, Olesia hurt her foot playing tackle football with the guys. She has an air-cast on and is on crutches, struggling to get to classes and up the three flights of stairs to her dorm room.
With all new changes, they come slowly. At first, I don't know if they are my imagination or my excessive concern gone south again, but it seems to me that Julie's balance is getting worse after nearly full recovery after the radiation treatment. I lose my balance sometimes when I am trying to dress after my shower standing in the middle of the room trying not to hold onto anything as I dress -- its my first exercise of the day. With age, or with sore knees after a day of tennis, sometimes I cheat a little and hold onto something. So, I know what age does to balance. But, with Julie I am afraid it is more. There is nothing firm to hold onto yet, nothing that I can say to convince Julie or the doctor that things are changing, but enough to convince myself.
Of course, I am worried that she will fall and worse that is a sign that the cancer is on the move again. I told Julie about it and she said her head is just "floaty" and she lack confidence. But, that sounds more like a description of how she feels than anything definitive on whether her balance is getting worse or not. Her logic did not seem tight, which I added to a list of the subtle symptoms.
In conflict with these symptoms, she has been trying harder lately to work on her projects, dolls and stuff, and doing work around the house. Right before I left and right after I got back she sat on the lawn tactor and mowed the lawn, my job. My tolerance of high grass exceeds her tolerance. I usually mow it to her schedule, not mine, but the trip to NC and SC took some of my precious time (however, it was well spent).
I am planning on going to Olean, NY next week. I think Julie will be okay but I can't help but wonder which trip will be my last one. They are also laying off people moving from department to department -- they are not yet to our metallurgy group. Another reason to wonder.
At the doctor's office. Cat scan results show that cancer is in the bones of Julie's neck and chest. I'm crying a little, julie seems fine.
Since I am the only one who's memory does not recall cancer being in her neck before the Doctor has directed the radiologist to go back and compare to previous cat scans done on 09/12/08. Well, I hope my memory is the one that is wrong. Alan Kidd at work told me cancer in the bones was very painful for his wife who just died...made her insane with pain.
We are now getting blood work at the clinic for julie's herceptan treatment next week on Tuesday.
Just a few words from time to time about making it from one day to the next as my wife struggles through chemotherapy fighting a very aggressive cancer. Facts, feelings, sadness, hopefully some humor, and just life one day at a time. This is mainly for me, writing to keep sane.
